What is the best eLearning you've ever taken? How was it different from the worst? (JRock is going to ask you this in the chat) Would it surprise you to learn that conventional vs branched path eLearning styles mirror the divides in the Dungeons and Dragons community to this very day?! Uber-nerd JRock whisks you on a Hippogriff Ride from the very beginning of tabletop roleplaying games in the Twin Cities, to understand how we got to today, laying the case for why modern conventional D&D play is like conventional eLearning, and how AD&D first edition has many parallels to branched path scenario eLearning. We will finish by considering themes and affordances we can borrow from TTRPGs, acknowledging that nothing digital can give the absolute freedom and respect of player autonomy that is Real D&D. You will be intrigued, you may be enraged, but you can win at D&D and eLearning.